


cinnamon

by overflow



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sokka is a sweetheart, after zuko and aang get back from the sun warriors, mentions of abuse, theyre at the western air temple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:06:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25091329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overflow/pseuds/overflow
Summary: “You’re exhausted,” Sokka whispered.  “Let me do it.”Zuko stared at him, trying desperately to understand.  Was Sokka mocking him?  “You don’t have to.”“I want to.”Every morning and every night, Zuko applies a salve to his scar to take care of the damaged skin.  But tonight, Sokka wants to do it.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 101
Kudos: 2208





	cinnamon

_There’s things I want to say to you, but I’ll just let you live._

_Like if you hold me without hurting me, you’ll be the first who ever did._

When Zuko closed his door, his sigh of relief rang louder than the clink of the knob rotating in its socket.The others were still outside, huddled around a fire, eating, smiling.Through the walls of his room, Zuko could hear their chatter, their muted laughter.He wished that he could be a part of that in a way that felt natural, but he could never seem to summon the ease the others had.He wasn’t used to friends, and he wasn’t used to forgiveness.

Not that he could really even say that they were friends, not yet. They weren’t friends, but on the rare occasion that Zuko could quiet the voice inside his head, he could see that they were getting there.They invited him into their conversations, and he was pretty sure that he and Aang bonded on their trip to the Sun Warriors.That night, they even laughed at him—it had taken Zuko a moment to realize that the laughing was good-natured.That he was allowed to laugh, too.

Zuko knew that he should be making more of an effort.He knew he should be out there, chatting with them, becoming their friend.Trying to prove to them that they didn’t make a mistake by letting him into the group.But their leisurely, mindless way of socializing wasn’t something he could pull off.Not when he didn’t deserve it.Not when he spent years trying to kill them.They had such boldness to forgive him for that, and the weight of their grace felt crushing.Sometimes Zuko wanted to bolt, wanted to run away to someplace where he hadn’t hurt anyone.But he wasn’t sure such a place existed.

And tonight?Well, Zuko couldn’t force it tonight. He spent the entire trip on edge, waiting for Aang to change his mind and dispose of him.And then, when he saw the dragons, something inside him shattered.He didn’t abandon his family, turn on his country, come so far just for things to end that way. The idea that he might have finally stopped trying to take down the Avatar, only to get him killed by accident...

Zuko would never forgive himself, and neither would anyone else.

Once they returned to safety, Zuko let the tension leave his body, but exhaustion replaced it.He couldn’t go out there and try to act like he was a natural part of their group when they all knew he wasn’t.He couldn’t do it with Katara, not tonight.He knew she wouldn’t hurt him, knew that she wasn’t cruel, but... For some reason, that just couldn’t set in.

He got undressed, changed into pajamas.Grabbed a tin of salve from his bag, the one he carefully applied to his scar every morning and every night.Most times, he held his breath through it, forcing himself to think of something else, anything else.Tried to willfully forget what he was touching, and why it was there, and how it would never, _never,_ leave him.

(And perhaps that was what cut at Zuko most sharply.He could apologize a million times over to the people he hurt.He could try to undo the hurt he caused, he could right his wrongs.He could help take down the fire nation and bring peace and justice to the world.But that scar would always be there.Would always remind him of who he once was, no matter how far he came.)

He let out a shaky breath.He needed to calm down before he even _thought_ about his scar.He swallowed hard, sat, and began to meditate.

He didn’t know how much time had passed before there was a knock at the door.

Zuko peered an eye open.“Hello?”

The door creaked open, and Sokka stuck his head in.“Hi.Can I come in?”

Zuko nodded.Sokka always acted strangely towards him, treated him with something more reckless than the care of his uncle, something more tender than the abandon of Toph.Zuko didn’t understand it, but he didn’t want to question it.Didn’t want it to go away.

Sokka plopped down on the bed next to Zuko, scooted back until he leaned against the wall.

“What are you doing?” Zuko asked.

“Hanging out.”

Zuko nodded.“But... why?”

Sokka smiled. “Because I wanted to.”

Zuko nodded again, found he didn’t know what else to do _but_ nod.In moments like this, he felt like there was no way he would ever be more than allies with this group.How could they become friends when Zuko barely knew how to talk to them?

“Are you okay?” Sokka asked, his voice barely above a whisper.“You seem... off.”

“I’m just tired,” Zuko said.“Nervous.”

“Nervous about what?”

Zuko stared as his lap and shrugged.He wished he could explain the nerves that constantly jostled him, that never retreated even when there was nothing to fight.But it didn’t even make sense to himself.

“You know you’re allowed to hang out with us, right?” Sokka asked, peering up at Zuko.He sat slumped against the wall, his legs falling open, his wrists palms facing upwards.Zuko sat upright, his spine hard and motionless.

Zuko grimaced.“I know I’m allowed.”

Sokka stared at him intently.“You know we want you to, right?”

Zuko dropped his chin against his chest.“Sorry,” he whispered.

“No, don’t—“ Sokka said.“I didn’t mean it that way.I’m just saying, you don’t have to feel like you have to tip-toe around and worry about bothering us.You can just... act normal.”

_Act normal._ As if Zuko even knew what that even looked like.

“I’m just tired from the trip,” Zuko said.

Sokka smiled.“You’ve come a long way.”

The heat from the day began to dissipate as the sun set, leaving Zuko relatively defenseless.He tensed when he thought of it, but lectured himself inside his own head: _Sokka does not want to hurt you. Sokka does not want to hurt you.Sokka does not want to hurt you._ There were only two people he had put his trust in like that before: his mother, and his uncle.It was strange, to put it in the hands of people that he really barely knew.But he supposed it made sense—people did it every day.Every time they stepped out of their house to go to the market or go to work, they trusted strangers not to hurt them.And for the most part, they were unhurt.

Most people in the world wouldn’t hurt you senselessly.But Zuko had spent most of his life living in a different world than that.It took him a long time to learn—the world wasn’t cruel, just his family.Just the blood that rolled that rolled through his veins.

The two sat together until the silence started to feel comfortable.

“Well, if you’re that tired...” Sokka started to stand up, but Zuko grabbed his wrist.He didn’t know where the impulse came from, but he wanted Sokka to stay.

“You don’t have to go,” Zuko said. _I want to be your friend,_ he wanted to say, but it sounded pathetic even in his own head.He could almost hear Azula snickering.

Sokka sat back down but didn’t pull his hand away.Instead, he twisted his arm, so the tips of his fingers touched the veins underneath Zuko’s wrist. He moved them in small circles, gently stroking the thin, pale skin.Touching his blood.

Zuko smiled at him.He didn’t know exactly what he wanted—he didn’t want to talk, but he wanted to be next to Sokka.He wanted to sleep, but he didn’t want Sokka to leave.So what did he want?For Sokka to stay with him until he fell asleep?

Zuko swallowed.Yes, that was what he wanted—what a ridiculous thing to desire.

Sokka’s eyes flitted down to the tin on the bed.“That’s what you put on your eye, right?”

Zuko nodded.Sokka had seen him do it a few times—this wasn’t the first time he had burst into Zuko’s room for no reason.

“Yeah,” Zuko said.“I should probably do it now, before I pass out.”He reached for the tin, but Sokka blocked it.

They looked at one another for a long moment, both of them frozen in time.Zuko’s hand trembled where Sokka blocked it as he tried to figure out why Sokka had done that. He didn’t want to see Zuko put it on, that must be it.The scar disgusted him, and he didn’t want to think about it any more than he had to.Zuko couldn’t say he felt much different.

(Sometimes he stared at it in the mirror, and thought: Where did my face go?Where did that innocent young boy run away to?What happened to the kinder, unhurt version of yourself once it had been killed?)

“You’re exhausted,” Sokka whispered.“Let me do it.”

Zuko stared at him, trying desperately to understand.Was Sokka mocking him?“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

Zuko felt his lip tremble.“I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to let me.But I want to do this for you.”

Zuko sniffed.He couldn’t deny Sokka anything, not after everything he’d done.But what Sokka wanted was to give him _more kindness,_ and Zuko didn’t know how he had any more left to give.Zuko didn’t want to use it all up.Didn’t know how to give any of it back.

“You can do it,” Zuko said.

Sokka opened the tin, releasing the pungent, medical smell.“How do I do it?”

“Just spread it all over the damaged skin.It should be a pretty thick coat.”

Sokka nodded, dunked his finger into the salve, and slowly brought it up towards Zuko’s face.Zuko let his eyes flutter shut.

His breath hitched as he first felt Sokka’s fingers against his scar.Sokka’s fingers moved softly, more slowly than necessary.He could feel the texture of the skin, no doubt.Wrinkled and rubbery and inhuman.Zuko shuddered under the touch.

“What does this cream do?” Sokka asked.

“Keeps it moisturized.The skin there gets really tight without it, and it... splits, sometimes.”

Sokka hissed.Zuko peeked one eye open, trying to figure out the meaning of the sound. But Sokka’s face was just focused, and maybe a little concerned.The sound was sympathetic, Zuko determined, hoping he was right.

“And it keeps it from getting infected,” Zuko added.

Sokka said nothing, just kept brushing his finger along Zuko’s scar.The motion was so careful that it nearly hurt.

“You can stop, if you want,” Zuko blurted out.“I know it’s gross, you don’t have to...”

“Not gross,” Sokka said, his voice light, casual. As if he were talking about a controversial food that he liked.“It’s actually kind of cool.”

Zuko scoffed.“It’s ugly.You don’t have to pretend.”

“I’m not pretending,” Sokka said, his voice softening.“It’s not ugly.It makes you look badass.”

Zuko gripped the blanket underneath him, tried to keep his breathing even.He felt as if he had been cut open, and all his insides were dripping out.His organs, his bones and blood, all exposed for anyone to see, anyone to touch.

And they were only being touched by the gentlest of hands.

Sokka suddenly pulled away.“Am I hurting you?” he asked.

“No, not at all,” Zuko said.It was true.Even Zuko himself wasn’t this careful with his scar.

“You’re... you’re crying,” Sokka whispered.

“Oh!” Zuko opened his eyes, shook his head.Frantically wiped his tears.“Sorry, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sokka said.He leaned forward and squeezed Zuko’s wrist.“Are you okay?”

Zuko nodded, tried to calm himself down.

“Do you want me to stop?” Sokka asked.

Zuko was surprised at the feeling that erupted inside him: _no._ He didn’t want Sokka to stop.He missed the touch already.“No.”He closed his eyes again.

Sokka set back to work.He began at the perimeter of the scar, from his cheekbone to his forehead over to his hairline.He was thorough, getting behind the ear and into each crevasse.

“Has anyone ever done this for you before?” Sokka asked.

“My uncle,” Zuko said. “When it first happened.”

Zuko had been thirteen years old, barely conscious, half-delirious.Uncle had carefully spread the salve all over his eye and carefully bandaged it, every morning, and every night. As soon as Zuko was lucid, he began to flinch away from the touch.Began to insist on doing it himself, no matter how much it tore him apart.No one else would touch it.

“But I do it myself, now,” Zuko said.

Sokka hummed. “Can I ask how it happened?”  


“An Agni Kai.I was thirteen.”

Sokka’s finger froze.“Thirteen-year-olds fight can fight in Agni Kais?”

“Not very well, clearly,” Zuko said, trying to joke.Sokka liked jokes.

But Sokka didn’t laugh.“Who would duel a thirteen-year-old?”

“Um,” Zuko said, inhaling deeply.“Fire Lord Ozai.”

Sokka pulled his hand away.“No.”

Zuko opened his eyes, only to find open, abject horror on Sokka’s face.

“Zuko...”  


Zuko shook his head.He didn’t want to talk about his father any further.Didn’t want to talk about him ever again, really.And he knew it was the Avatar’s job, and he knew he was sick and twisted for wanting his, but he wanted to kill the Fire Lord.Kill him and forget he ever existed.

Sokka knew better than to push.“I’m almost done,” he said.“Close your eyes.”

Zuko followed his instructions, and in seconds, Sokka’s soft touch had returned.He slowly moved inwards from the perimeter.His fingers brushed across Zuko’s eyelid, the pressure feather-light.

“Can I ask something else?”

“Okay.”

“Can you... can you see out of this eye?”

“Yeah,” Zuko said.Paused.“Kind of.Barely.”

“Wow, I—that’s—your father _blinded—”_  
Zuko put him out of his misery, cut him off.“Is it obvious?”

“Well,” Sokka said.“No, not really.I never noticed it, before you... Before you joined us.But now that I’ve spent more time around you, I started to... suspect.”

“What gave it away?”

“You always jump, if I approach you from that side.”

Sokka traced through the crease of his eyelid, and then down to the base.He swooped underneath, getting the lower lashes, and finally found his way to the tear duct.He released his finger.

“All done,” Sokka said.“How’d I do?”

“Wonderfully,” Zuko said, smiling. “Very thorough.”

Sokka grinned.Looked down at his finger, which still had some leftover salve on it.He waved it back and forth for a moment, looking for something to do with the salve, before he leaned forward and wiped it on Zuko’s shoulder.

Zuko laughed, the sound strange and unfamiliar.

“You know,” Sokka said.“You’re not so bad, jerkbender.”

“Now that I’ve stopped trying to kill you?” Zuko teased.  


“Oh, _that_ I can get over.But that ponytail?Unforgivable.”

Zuko shook his head, his hair fanning out around him.“It wasn’t _that bad.”_

“Unforgivable!” Sokka insisted, his smile broad and true.After a moment, he quieted, leaning forward to touch Zuko’s hair.“This is much better.”

Zuko curled his lips between his teeth.“I _am_ sorry.I am.”

“Hmm?” Sokka said, drawing back.

“For... trying to kill you.”

Sokka smiled softly.“It’s forgiven, Zuko.It’s been forgiven.”

“But...” Zuko opened and closed his mouth repeatedly.“But how?”

“You wouldn’t be the first,” Sokka laughed.

Zuko stared.

“When people try to kill you every day, it starts to feel like not that big of a deal,” Sokka said, still grinning.

“Sokka, seriously.”

Sokka sighed.“You’re not trying to kill us anymore.You’re trying to help us.So what’s the point in holding a grudge?”His gaze drifted towards the ceiling, his chin floating up.“I’ve never had to turn against my family, but I can’t imagine that it’s easy.And I don’t know... the Water Nation has some weird ideas about gender.And they were wrong, but I believed them, because that was how I grew up.But then I learned.And you learned too.”

These really didn’t seem like equivalent situations.“I think you should be angry with me,” Zuko said.

“Well, I’m not, so get over it,” Sokka laughed.

Zuko smiled, leaned forward so his forehead bumped Sokka’s shoulder.“Why are you so nice to me?”

“Zuko,” Sokka whispered.“I like you.Try not to overthink it.”

_I like you._ Such a simple declaration, but Zuko wasn’t sure he had ever heard it before.Didn’t think it was the type of thing that applied to people like him.He resisted the urge to ask why.

“Are we...” Zuko murmured.“Are we friends?”

Sokka scratched Zuko’s back. “Yes, dipshit.We’re friends.”

Zuko sat up, arched his back, yawned.He still felt tired, but the exhaustion was warmer now.Softer, more comfortable.Maybe he wouldn’t have nightmares tonight.

“I’ll let you sleep,” Sokka said.He stood up from the bed, stretched out his shoulders.Watched as Zuko lay down and pulled the covers over himself.“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Zuko repeated, trying not to miss him.

Sokka made to leave, but Zuko stopped him at the door.He felt ill-footed and rude, and Sokka deserved better than that.

“Sokka?” Zuko asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

Sokka paused, turned back at him.“Yeah?”

Zuko swallowed, took a breath.“I like you, too.”

Sokka rolled his eyes.“Go the fuck to sleep.”

Zuko dropped down against the mattress, grinning.He heard Sokka close the door, gently and quietly, as if Zuko might have already fallen asleep.In the darkness, he closed his eyes, feeling warm and full.He knew that in the rooms next to him, the others lay in their beds, just the same as him.And he would protect them, and they would protect him.

He brought his fingers up his scar, pressing gently, and tried to feel what Sokka felt.

**Author's Note:**

> the title "cinnamon" is a reference to Lana Del Rey's "Cinnamon Girl." that's where those lyrics at the top are from.
> 
> so.... i know that "Sokka and Zuko being sad and sweet about Zuko's scar" isn't exactly anything original, but i thought i'd try my hand at it. this is my first avatar fanfic, so be nice please :) im going to have the first chapter of a multi-chapter fic go up this week
> 
> I'm kingzuk0 on Tumblr if anyone wants to talk :)
> 
> edit: thank you sm for 2000 kudos!!!! im honestly really shocked that this got so much attention. ive never had a fic get this many kudos and im really shocked that it happened to me, on a one shot no less. anyway im really happy that you all liked this, and i just wanted to share some of my other writing with y'all if you're interested. i'm writing a zukka multi-chapter fic called sk8er boi, and you can find that on my profile. additionally, i had a short story published this summer which you can read [here.](http://fterotalogia.com/the-chain/) content warning for implied sexual abuse on that. 
> 
> but anyway, thank you all so much, im really glad that you've all liked this!


End file.
